Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Falluja on the Potomac, another Scotty beatdown...

One can only witness the daily beating about the noggin that Scott McClellan endures and feel a slight twinge of sorrow for him. Take for example the White House press briefing from Tuesday, Nov. 08.

Unfortunately the questioner is not specified in the White House transcript. At some point, the following quotes will have questions being thrown at Scotty by 'I am not a terrorist' Helen Thomas, (who I might add is just a lovely and beautiful specimen of womanhood... on the inside).
Q I'd like you to clear up, once and for all, the ambiguity about torture. Can we get a straight answer? The President says we don't do torture, but Cheney --

MR. McCLELLAN: That's about as straight as it can be.

Q Yes, but Cheney has gone to the Senate and asked for an exemption on --

MR. McCLELLAN: No, he has not. Are you claiming he's asked for an exemption on torture? No, that's --

Q He did not ask for that?

MR. McCLELLAN: -- that is inaccurate.
Breaking News!!! Even though, given 5 minutes to do it, one could post 10 links from reputable news outlets over the last week all verifying that what the questioner has stated is the case, Mr. McClellan has now set the record straight. Thank goodness because there for awhile it appeared for all the world that Cheney was pushing a policy that most Americans, both now and throughout our history, find and have found odious. But Scotty says it ain't true so we can all put away the pitchforks and torch's and go back to our huts knowing Cheney really does stand for American values. Onto more of the exchange.
Q Are you denying everything that came from the Hill, in terms of torture?

MR. McCLELLAN: No, you're mischaracterizing things. And I'm not going to get into discussions we have --

Q Can you give me a straight answer for once?
Good LAWD I wish I could have seen this as it happened. I'm certain the room erupted in a groundswell of guffawing and uproarious laughter at the thought of Mr. McClellan giving a straight answer on this one. The great communicator, that Republican master of verbiage must be doing backflips in his grave.
MR. McCLELLAN: Let me give it to you, just like the President has. We do not torture. He does not condone torture and he would never --
How odd. When he claims the president would never condone torture, it seems that Scotty didn't get the torture memo.

Now here comes the part where Mr. McClellan gets backed into a corner and goes to 9/11 for some justification. This tactic can be relied upon much the same as one is assured that the sun will rise in the morning, and the aspen leaves will turn in the fall, because their roots connect them.
Q I'm asking about exemptions.

MR. McCLELLAN: Let me respond. And he would never authorize the use of torture. We have an obligation to do all that we can to protect the American people. We are engaged --

Q That's not the answer I'm asking for --

MR. McCLELLAN: It is an answer -- because the American people want to know that we are doing all within our power to prevent terrorist attacks from happening. There are people in this world who want to spread a hateful ideology that is based on killing innocent men, women and children. We saw what they can do on September 11th --

Q He didn't ask for an exemption --

MR. McCLELLAN: -- and we are going to --

Q -- answer that one question. I'm asking, is the administration asking for an exemption?

MR. McCLELLAN: I am answering your question. The President has made it very clear that we are going to do --

Q You're not answering -- yes or no?

MR. McCLELLAN: No, you don't want the American people to hear what the facts are, Helen, and I'm going to tell them the facts.
Yeah Helen! When will you ever allow Scotty to give the answers the "American people" want to hear, instead of badgering him for answers the "American people" erm... don't wish to hear? No wonder the president won't take questions from Helen. After all the president also knows the answers the "American people" want to hear, and thats just not good enough for Helen.

Later in the conference we get this:
Q Do you ever say to yourself, I've had enough of this, Austin is really nice this time of year?

MR. McCLELLAN: I'm glad to help the President implement his optimistic agenda for the American people. And I enjoy working with the people in this room most of the time. And I look forward to continuing to --

Q How about today?
I would like to post Mr. McClellans answer to this but it is literally 3 paragraphs of absolute meaningless drivel. I suspect the true answer to this question would be, "Sometimes this job really sucks", and THEN go with your tried and true stump speech drivel.

In closing, let me end this post as I started it. With a twinge of sympathy for Mr. McClellan. This poor man has to hold forth on a daily basis in justification of arguably the worst decisions in the history of the American presidency. So lets tip our hats for this mans resiliency, and then enjoy watching him get beatdown again tomorrow.

Reason #1 why there so much turnover for Press Secretaries...they get so burnt-out from all the lying...
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