Wednesday, January 25, 2006


The L.A. Times has an alarming article that details the curious case of a father/son household that informally adopted a bear they found whilst destroying the bears habitat.

Of course I have fired off a missive to the Colbert Report because this story simply MUST gain top billing on his threatdown segment. Check out this SHOCKER from the article as one of these loggers describes how intelligent bears are:
"It's pretty intelligent when you can tell a bear, 'I love you, come give Momma a kiss,' and that bear comes right over and gives you a smack on the lips."
Being "smack[ed] on the lips" by a bear may seem like a grand idea for some, but just think about how embarrassed you will feel picking your lips up off of the floor before you decide trying this on your own. And inquiring minds want to know: Which of these logger fellas was "Momma"?

Here is another shocker from the article:
Their ursine guest learned to open the house's doors and often closed them behind her.
Can you imagine the chaos that is sure to ensue after this bear has cubs and teaches them to open doors and what not? After about 10 generations NO ONE will be safe from bear home invasions. What next? Teach the bear to operate a chainsaw!? Or bears driving cars? How would you like to flag down a taxi and, only after you hop in the back, realize that the driver is a Grizzley and you are on a one way trip to a cave down by the river? Let me ask you... which taxi licensing flunkie is going to say no to issuing a permit to drive a taxi to... A BEAR!? Next thing you know the bears will be potty trained and then what happens when someone responds to an obvious question with the tried and true refrain: "Does a bear crap in the woods?" Who knows!

There is a bit of a political angle here, so in all seriousness (no... really!) let me address one issue in the story:
the father and son would settle simply for retrieving their photos and videos of Windfall, [the bear] seized during the raid. Perkett said there's sentimental value attached - and proof of Windfall's amazing domestic exploits.

Law enforcement authorities aren't budging on that one. Burgett said state officials are concerned the photos and videos "would only glamorize" the Perketts' tale on TV, instead of conveying the message that they broke the law.
This really seems to be a politically motivated decision that needs to be reconsidered. Taking pictures and videos of a bear is not illegal. They are facing fines and what not for their actions as legal punishment. Keeping their property because they may glamorize the tale on T.V. seems a bit heavy handed in my humble opinion.

Opening doors? Truth is stranger than fiction. Some years ago there was a short story entitled "Bears Discover Fire". Good story.
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