Friday, November 03, 2006

Nice try Haggard...

What do you do when you are stone cold busted in the most embarrassing hypocritical scandal that can be imagined? If you are a Republican you go to the Clinton playbook and bring John Kerry up.

In case you have just returned from a hermetically sealed bubble and haven't heard... the righty Reverend Ted Haggard has been busted for paying for gay sex over the course of 3 years and being a methamphetimine user. The accuser has voice mail to prove the case, those voicemails have been analyzed, and it is the same Ted Haggard who was leader (not a leader but THE leader) of the 30 million member National Association of Evangelicals. The same Ted Haggard from Colorado who has railed from the pulpit about the initiative currently on the Colorado ballot to outlaw gay marriage. (I know... he only wants to boff the gay prostitute, he doesn't want to marry him, but still!) The same Ted Haggard who brags of speaking with the White House on a weekly basis. That Ted Haggard is the one leaving the voice mail.

On the voice mail in question Haggard requests some sort of product. Haggard now admits to buying the meth and being curious about using it. However he says that having purchased it, he did not use it! Straight from the playbook of Bill Clinton, page 6 paragraph 2 "I did not inhale". Another Haggarism straight from the book of Clinton is how he insists that him and the gay prostitute did not have sex. He says he just got a massage... I'm waiting for him to chime in with "it depends on what the meaning of is is".

To be honest I don't blame Haggard for being a weasel about all this. That is the nature of human kind when found in embarrassing situations such as he finds himself in. However I would like to point out that if mankind naturally prevaricates in this situation, crucifying President Clinton when he did so leads to justifiable calls of hypocrisy beyond the initial offense when the offender is a busted, lying wingnut.

Now Haggard has the audacity to try to make this all seem like a huge misunderstanding... you know, like how the wingnutosphere all misunderstood John Kerry when he was taken out of context lately. In other words Haggard is trying to change the subject, and remind us all that John Kerry is what you should be thinking about when you vote, not Haggard being massaged by gay prostitutes. When I saw this tact taken by Haggard originally, I honestly rolled my eyes. How pathetic is that.

I will wrap this up with a thought on how absolutely livid this would make me if I were a tithing member of his church or dues paying member of his organization. Seriously... the money these folks are intending to go to conservative causes is being spent on meth and gay sex? How perverse is that?

The Reverend is a delight, and in a bizarre sense somewhat consistent. At least he's not professing to want to marry his gay, male, prostitute...lover, whatever.
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