Thursday, August 16, 2007

Top Ten Reasons Henry Hager Is Not Fighting In Iraq

Today brings news that President Bush's daughter Jenna Bush is engaged to be married. The lucky groom is a fellow by the name of Henry Hager. Hager is 29 years old, so my immediate thought went like this: "I wonder when he is going to be given a furlough from his unit in Iraq to come back to the states to marry Jenna?" Imagine my absolute SHOCK when I googled up Hager, and found out he was not doing his part to fight them over there so we don't have to fight them over here!

In fact Mr. Hager, and others in his family are quite the hangers on in adminsistration circles. My personal favorite was finding that Hager used to fill in for his boss at meetings of the "President's Committee for People with Intellectual Disabilities". I really am trying to be nice here because I try very diligently to not slam around segments of our society who face difficulties aplenty as it is. Besides, it must be hard enough for these poor folk having President Bush posterize their demographic each and every time he makes a speech. But I digress!

I decided it probably was not Hagers fault that he isn't melting down and dodging snipers in Baghdad this summer, so following is my top ten list of reasons that Henry Hager is not fighting in Iraq.

10: Hager put in his time serving the nation by helping on President Bush's re-election campaign. (h/t M. Romney)
9. Old football injury
8: Heres an honest answer... He's a freaking rich elitist Republican... Duh!
7: Here's another honest answer... He might get killed! Duh!
6: Hager enlisting would set a HORRIBLE example for all the other rich rightwing Iraq war cheerleaders.
5: Invade and pillage a foriegn land? You've obviously confused Hager The Republican with Hagar The Horrible.
4: President Bush forbade him from joining his military because Jenna might wig out and go on another bender.
3: Hager just HATES getting sand in his Gucci's!
2: So many other youths have joined that, sadly enough, there is no room to take Hager into the military. (h/t T. Delay)
1: If he joined he would have to give the wrong answer the next time Jenna asks him "is that a rifle in your pocket or are you happy to see me?"

He worked for Karl Rove. Did his part to bring America down
Why aren't you fighting in Iraq?
In case anonymous hasn't noticed, I am not a loud mouthed Iraq war hawk.
Welcome to Operation Yellow Elephant!
Ohhh. Since I'm not one who keeps up on the little Bushes, I didn't realize that Henry Hager is one of the minions.
An intern of Karl Rove? Good gawd, maybe being that close to evil made him contemplate mortality and he just had to make a life affirming gesture!
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