Saturday, January 19, 2008

Exiled To Siberia Guam

The decision to arrest Steven Howards after he attacked confronted Vice President Cheney at a ski resort in 2006 has blown up in the face of the secret service.

In the good old days of the cold war, people in the USSR who crossed the line were sent to exile in far off Siberia to live out their days far from civilization and any ability to further influence the events of the day. I think the arrest of Howards has provided the modern day equivalent of the exile to Siberia, with the arresting agent having been stationed in Guam. Marianas Variety has a great little piece on how agent Virgil D. “Gus” Reichle Jr. of the U.S. Secret Service is training border agents, at no cost to the government of Guam. on how to recognize counterfeit currency, and identity thieves. They aim to stop the influx of tourists who commit credit card fraud and other such heinous crimes.

Thank goodness the secret service is on the case of those ebil ebil white collar criminal tourists in Guam. Actually one suspects that Reichle does not find himself stationed on the moon only because the American government does not have a diplomatic mission there.

Just imagine the fall from grace Mr. Reichle has undergone. From the secret service inner circle, protecting the most powerful men in the world, to giving lectures in Guam on how to recognize rogue credit card expenditures. These guys are trained to take a bullet for the men they protect. Reichle would have thrown himself on a grenade to keep Cheney safe. He would have undergone various forms of mutilation, and deformation to protect his charge... but since Reichle saw fit to arrest a man who attacked confronted the veep, and then took part in a coverup of the circumstances of that arrest, he finds himself languishing in Guam.

Speaking of the circumstances of Howards arrest, I find it very interesting that Cheney's role in the entire affair has been very effectively squashed to this point. Reichle claims that the secret service just wants the entire affair to go away, to avoid "inconveniencing" the Vice President. According to the N.Y. Time article, Cheney's involvement in the affair remains uncertain, and his lawyers have declined repeated request to have him deposed about the affair. Why won't Cheney tell his side of the story here?

With all this in mind, here is my completely unfounded and off the cuff notion about what happened. Keep in mind that this scenario has no basis in fact as far as I know at this point.

Some peasant managed to break into the Vice President's bubble as Cheney was trying to relax, and Cheney ordered the peasant to be arrested, deported to Guantanamo and tortured (harshly interrogated). The arrest went off without a hitch, but when the President could not be bothered because he was relaxing in Texas, the needed Presidential finding that Howards was an enemy combatant could not be gotten. Once the plan started unraveling the secret service realized that Cheney had Howards arrested for no good reason, and in the best traditions of their craft set about protecting Cheney by commencing a coverup. Once the coverup started to unravel, Reichle as the arresting agent had to go away, and he winds up lecturing Guamian border agents on recognizing counterfeit currency. Rather than Howards winding up in Guantanamo on a waterboard, Reichle winds up in Guamtanamo lecturing about credit card fraud and check kiting schemes. It is oddly symmetrical from my point of view.

It all fits, and that version is just as likely to be entirely true as the next thing you hear from an administration spokestoady, or Mitt Romney, on any given subject as well...

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